Flarsh

by Scott Deadelus

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1.
04:11
the girls don’t like it when you’re as sensitive as me all these layers of emotions always running inside of me so I try to pretend like nothing affects me and sometimes they think I'm cool and they talk to me but after a while when i let my guard down they pretend like they are tough and they walk all over me and that feels so dreadfully bad then i feel worse than i ever have so i pretend like i’m a tough bitch and I pretend like I’m funny so they laugh at my unintentional jokes when I try to understand the world around me so i pretend like i’m a tough bitch and that i’ve got money so they laugh at my cheesy jokes that aren’t even funny
2.
Some days I think things must be great and the way the clouds move so slow it must be wonderful to play a show just like I used to think when I was 12 But then I remember my hatred for things and the forces that push on my brain and prevent me from feeling anything anything but super fucking lame And I know my songs must be as bad as I feel about all the others and it depresses the hell out of me and I never want to play a show again When rich men get fed up they sell the company God, I wish I could sell my dream but dreams are such worthless things full of nothing but empty promises and emptiness of the brain with no real tie to anything Some days I feel I really have something like all those confident hopefuls seeking reality show fame knowing they are the best and they swear up and down there is nobody like them Do they really feel the way they act? How could I learn to act like that? Did I used to think in that kind of way? Visions of greatness with no logic Feeling original by saying what everyone else says Why can’t I just sit back and be stoic? When people tell me I’m great I store the inflated feelings in jars To feed my ego on days when I’m lonely But most the time I just want to smash them And ignore my inflated self who thinks he is the ultimate best God, I wish I could sell my dream Get money for a worthless thing And you could sell your dreams Go into business with me We could sell our dreams For all kinds of money Just think if we could sell our dreams We could do anything You and me
3.
01:49
4.
03:11
I want to find a girl that doesn’t like to have fun I want to find a girl that hates the sun When she goes out she likes to complain And she seems happiest when it rains Is it just a waste of time to try to make her mine Will it be like the times before when it doesn’t turn to anything more I want a girl who is full of doubt She has no idea what life’s all about Oh how the hell could anybody? Oh I want a girl who’s not a phony Is it just a waste of time For me to go on searching Cause all the ones I’ve liked before Aren’t anything like me
5.
00:53
6.
I used to write how I didn’t believe in love And I’d sing about girls and gods and politics But always thought it was all fiction And I’d listen to love songs by Rivers Cuomo Thought it was the right way, to be lonely So I didn’t bother much with girls Oh, why'd it have to hit me now? In the too late youth of my life That love is actually real And that it hurts more than Roy Orbison told me Oh, why do the birds sing their songs? Oh, why can’t the people get along? And why do I feel like such a moron When I write songs like everyone? Now I feel as if I’m singing like a top 40 shmuck I feel like Taylor Swift or something writing about a breakup I hope the few people who like my music can forgive me Cause my inner critic can barely stand me anymore I wish somebody would just kill me Cause I’m too cowardly for suicide Though I complain nearly all the time There’s something I like about being alive Oh, why do the birds sing their songs? Oh, why can’t people get along? And why do I feel like such a moron When I try to write songs just like everyone?
7.
04:40
I could write a whole album about you But I don’t think I want to You’ve already had songs written about you By a guy who’s dead And probably had a crush on you How could I compete with that? I don’t even want to try (to copy his suicide) And a hateful album by a boy whose heart you broke in two Just like you did to me too A CD your friends bought And it made you angry But I could never sing anything bad about you Even though I probably should But I like you too much for that And my heart still feels so sad Ben Gibbard’s got nothing on me right now Wish I could grow a new pair of balls but I don’t know how Like a depressed eunuch sitting on a couch You should’ve never told me anything Cause now it’s coming out when I sing You should’ve never told me anything If you didn’t want everyone else to hear it All of my five fans That I can count on one hand You never really knew your father He just wasn’t much of a father I guess he didn’t want to bother But I wouldn’t want to meet him anyway I just wanted to meet you And you’re so good just as you are I couldn’t imagine you much better Aside from you breaking my heart That I could’ve done without When you cut me open Sunk your teeth in my arteries Said it’s not you it’s me And you knew it sounded cheesy (and oh so cliche) You should’ve never told me anything Cause now it’s coming out when I sing You should’ve never told me anything If you didn’t want everyone else to hear it All of my five fans That I can count on one hand
8.
01:09
9.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to want to go out When I see all the people just rushing about And when they get where they’re going they’re just kind of there They sit around doing nothing like they could do anywhere Well they talk to each other Their voices float through the air And it looks like a real bad time A real bad time Such a real bad time A real bad time Sometimes it’s hard for me to watch the news All the murderers get glorified and good people lose And when the bad guys finally get put to death sometimes people even like to watch the final breath And it makes me sick That people live like this It’s such a real bad scene A real bad scene Sometimes it’s hard for me to do anything An invisible weight drops down on everything It covers my chest and it covers my head The only thing I can do, is stay in bed And my head is a scale But it’s not very precise And it sure feels weird Oh yeah it feels so weird
10.
We were close not so long ago But we weren’t that close and it was actually quite a while ago I told you I was like Holden Caulfield not able to make a call on the phone I’d just look at it and hang it back up So you sent me a message and it grew from there into nothing really We grew apart it was all my fault Maybe a little yours too (you broke up with me after all) I didn’t see you much after that Except when you hugged me hard I was with another girl at a bar I awkwardly asked if you were drunk And you seemed to hate me for it We never spoke again I vaguely knew that you were sick Thought it was exaggerated Then a friend told me you were dead And I felt strange and felt I missed you a bit Like when I would look at pictures of you every once in a while But I didn’t feel that sad Like when you find something you thought was lost And you no longer want it and throw it away I thought I should cry but I couldn’t And I thought I should go to your viewing But I couldn’t Or I didn’t want to Or it was a complicated mess But either way I couldn’t cry You died and I couldn’t cry
11.
01:06
12.
01:29
I have delusions of me being some great being Playing on stage like Jesus on the cross In a completely sacrilegious way But godlike and religious all the same And the kids bow down and just listen And I enlighten them like a fucking Buddha And when it’s over they don’t say a thing They just go on waiting for the next big thing I have delusions of me being the next John Lennon sleeping in a bed for a fucking week While the media and people creep and I can’t get any sleep Getting shot outside of the dakota Smiling about it cause I know it’s alright Because the unbalanced types in high school are still enjoying catcher in the rye
13.
No matter what I do I'm still in love with you You've been with me for all these years I can't forget you You make my heart beat You tell me when to wake up You are so sweet It's not easy being in love with yourself Writing love songs gets a little bit tricky Well, I could try to hide my feelings inside but we've been together since I've been alive Sometimes I hate you But you could never hate me, no Cause I'd just stick a bullet in you End you with me too I'd be just like Tyler Durden from my favorite movie when I was 12, 13, 14, and 15 Well I kind of liked the book too but I always liked the movie more and since this is a song about you love I won't talk about Fight Club anymore It's not easy being in love with yourself Writing love songs gets a little bit tricky Well, I could try to hide my feelings inside but we've been together since I've been alive
14.
00:22

credits

released August 7, 2013

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Scott Deadelus Dayton, Ohio

Making music under the guidance of Dr. Clank since 2004.

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