Flarsh

by Scott Deadelus

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1.
04:11
2.
3.
01:49
4.
03:11
5.
00:53
6.
7.
04:40
8.
01:09
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10.
11.
01:06
12.
01:29
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14.
00:22

credits

released August 7, 2013

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about

Scott Deadelus Dayton, Ohio

Making music under the guidance of Dr. Clank since 2004.

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Track Name: Tough Bitch
the girls don’t like it when you’re as sensitive as me
all these layers of emotions always running inside of me
so I try to pretend like nothing affects me
and sometimes they think I'm cool and they talk to me
but after a while when i let my guard down
they pretend like they are tough
and they walk all over me

and that feels so dreadfully bad
then i feel worse than i ever have

so i pretend like i’m a tough bitch
and I pretend like I’m funny
so they laugh at my unintentional jokes
when I try to understand the world around me
so i pretend like i’m a tough bitch
and that i’ve got money
so they laugh at my cheesy jokes
that aren’t even funny
Track Name: Sell Yer Dreams
Some days I think things must be great
and the way the clouds move so slow
it must be wonderful to play a show
just like I used to think when I was 12
But then I remember my hatred for things
and the forces that push on my brain
and prevent me from feeling anything
anything but super fucking lame
And I know my songs must be as bad
as I feel about all the others
and it depresses the hell out of me
and I never want to play a show again

When rich men get fed up
they sell the company
God, I wish I could sell my dream
but dreams are such worthless things
full of nothing but empty promises
and emptiness of the brain
with no real tie to anything

Some days I feel I really have something
like all those confident hopefuls
seeking reality show fame
knowing they are the best
and they swear up and down there is nobody like them
Do they really feel the way they act?
How could I learn to act like that?
Did I used to think in that kind of way?
Visions of greatness with no logic
Feeling original by saying what everyone else says
Why can’t I just sit back and be stoic?

When people tell me I’m great
I store the inflated feelings in jars
To feed my ego on days when I’m lonely
But most the time I just want to smash them
And ignore my inflated self
who thinks he is the ultimate best
God, I wish I could sell my dream
Get money for a worthless thing

And you could sell your dreams
Go into business with me
We could sell our dreams
For all kinds of money
Just think if we could sell our dreams
We could do anything
You and me
Track Name: A Girl
I want to find a girl that doesn’t like to have fun
I want to find a girl that hates the sun
When she goes out she likes to complain
And she seems happiest when it rains

Is it just a waste of time
to try to make her mine
Will it be like the times before
when it doesn’t turn to anything more

I want a girl who is full of doubt
She has no idea what life’s all about
Oh how the hell could anybody?
Oh I want a girl who’s not a phony

Is it just a waste of time
For me to go on searching
Cause all the ones I’ve liked before
Aren’t anything like me
Track Name: Moron (The Flarsh)
I used to write how I didn’t believe in love
And I’d sing about girls and gods and politics
But always thought it was all fiction
And I’d listen to love songs by Rivers Cuomo
Thought it was the right way, to be lonely
So I didn’t bother much with girls
Oh, why'd it have to hit me now?
In the too late youth of my life
That love is actually real
And that it hurts more than Roy Orbison told me

Oh, why do the birds sing their songs?
Oh, why can’t the people get along?
And why do I feel like such a moron
When I write songs like everyone?

Now I feel as if I’m singing like a top 40 shmuck
I feel like Taylor Swift or something writing about a breakup
I hope the few people who like my music can forgive me
Cause my inner critic can barely stand me anymore
I wish somebody would just kill me
Cause I’m too cowardly for suicide
Though I complain nearly all the time
There’s something I like about being alive

Oh, why do the birds sing their songs?
Oh, why can’t people get along?
And why do I feel like such a moron
When I try to write songs just like everyone?
Track Name: Five Fans
I could write a whole album about you
But I don’t think I want to
You’ve already had songs written about you
By a guy who’s dead
And probably had a crush on you
How could I compete with that?
I don’t even want to try
(to copy his suicide)
And a hateful album by a boy whose heart you broke in two
Just like you did to me too
A CD your friends bought
And it made you angry
But I could never sing anything bad about you
Even though I probably should
But I like you too much for that
And my heart still feels so sad
Ben Gibbard’s got nothing on me right now
Wish I could grow a new pair of balls but I don’t know how
Like a depressed eunuch sitting on a couch

You should’ve never told me anything
Cause now it’s coming out when I sing
You should’ve never told me anything
If you didn’t want everyone else to hear it
All of my five fans
That I can count on one hand

You never really knew your father
He just wasn’t much of a father
I guess he didn’t want to bother
But I wouldn’t want to meet him anyway
I just wanted to meet you
And you’re so good just as you are
I couldn’t imagine you much better
Aside from you breaking my heart
That I could’ve done without
When you cut me open
Sunk your teeth in my arteries
Said it’s not you it’s me
And you knew it sounded cheesy
(and oh so cliche)

You should’ve never told me anything
Cause now it’s coming out when I sing
You should’ve never told me anything
If you didn’t want everyone else to hear it
All of my five fans
That I can count on one hand
Track Name: Real Bad Time
Sometimes it’s hard for me to want to go out
When I see all the people just rushing about
And when they get where they’re going they’re just kind of there
They sit around doing nothing like they could do anywhere

Well they talk to each other
Their voices float through the air

And it looks like a real bad time
A real bad time
Such a real bad time
A real bad time

Sometimes it’s hard for me to watch the news
All the murderers get glorified and good people lose
And when the bad guys finally get put to death
sometimes people even like to watch the final breath

And it makes me sick
That people live like this

It’s such a real bad scene
A real bad scene

Sometimes it’s hard for me to do anything
An invisible weight drops down on everything
It covers my chest and it covers my head
The only thing I can do, is stay in bed

And my head is a scale
But it’s not very precise

And it sure feels weird
Oh yeah it feels so weird
Track Name: You Died (and i didn't cry) :'(
We were close not so long ago
But we weren’t that close
and it was actually quite a while ago
I told you I was like Holden Caulfield
not able to make a call on the phone
I’d just look at it and hang it back up
So you sent me a message
and it grew from there
into nothing really

We grew apart it was all my fault
Maybe a little yours too (you broke up with me after all)
I didn’t see you much after that
Except when you hugged me hard
I was with another girl at a bar
I awkwardly asked if you were drunk
And you seemed to hate me for it

We never spoke again

I vaguely knew that you were sick
Thought it was exaggerated
Then a friend told me you were dead
And I felt strange and felt I missed you a bit
Like when I would look at pictures of you
every once in a while

But I didn’t feel that sad
Like when you find something you thought was lost
And you no longer want it and throw it away
I thought I should cry but I couldn’t
And I thought I should go to your viewing
But I couldn’t
Or I didn’t want to
Or it was a complicated mess
But either way I couldn’t cry

You died and I couldn’t cry
Track Name: Delusions
I have delusions of me being some great being
Playing on stage like Jesus on the cross
In a completely sacrilegious way
But godlike and religious all the same
And the kids bow down and just listen
And I enlighten them like a fucking Buddha
And when it’s over they don’t say a thing
They just go on waiting for the next big thing

I have delusions of me being the next John Lennon
sleeping in a bed for a fucking week
While the media and people creep
and I can’t get any sleep
Getting shot outside of the dakota
Smiling about it cause I know it’s alright
Because the unbalanced types in high school
are still enjoying catcher in the rye
Track Name: Ego Love Song
No matter what I do
I'm still in love with you
You've been with me
for all these years
I can't forget you
You make my heart beat
You tell me when to wake up
You are so sweet

It's not easy being in love with yourself
Writing love songs gets a little bit tricky
Well, I could try to hide my feelings inside
but we've been together since I've been alive

Sometimes I hate you
But you could never hate me, no
Cause I'd just stick a bullet in you
End you with me too
I'd be just like Tyler Durden
from my favorite movie
when I was 12, 13, 14, and 15
Well I kind of liked the book too
but I always liked the movie more
and since this is a song about you love
I won't talk about Fight Club anymore

It's not easy being in love with yourself
Writing love songs gets a little bit tricky
Well, I could try to hide my feelings inside
but we've been together since I've been alive